Jim calls boss I not come work today

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Jim calls in to work and says, “Hey, boss I not come work today,

I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work.”

The boss says, “You know Jim, I really need you today.

When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to do pass*on*te |__0\/e with me.

Makes everything better and I can go to work. You try.”

Two hours later Jim calls again: “Boss, I do what you say and I feel great.

I be at work soon. You got nice house.”

2nd joke: A man in his mid forties bought BMW

A man in his mid forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.

The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to see what the engine had.

As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.

“There’s no way they can catch a BMW,” he thought to himself and opened her up further.

The needle hit 90, then 100, and finally reality hit him and he knew he shouldn’t run from the police, so he slowed down and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.

“It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th.

I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.”

The guy thinks for a second and says, “Last week my wife ran off with a cop.

I was afraid you were trying to give her back.”

“Have a nice weekend,” said the officer and he walked away.